Disclaimer: The content of this blog post is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Consult a qualified healthcare professional for personalized advice.
Parenting a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can be both rewarding and challenging. Whether you're new to this or looking for additional tips, this guide aims to provide practical strategies to support you every step of the way.
Understanding ADHD In Children
Understanding ADHD and how it impacts your child is crucial. It helps you recognize that ADHD is a neurological condition, and the behavior of your child is not a result of willful misbehavior or a reflection of your parenting abilities.
It also empowers you to advocate for your child in all their environments (school, extracurricular, social, home) ensuring they receive the support and accommodations they need to thrive.
What is ADHD?
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurological disorder. It affects daily life by a delay in the development of the frontal lobe. You might notice some of these difficulties in your child. Children with ADHD may not realize why they behave the way they behave. It is essential to communicate with them and help them understand themselves; empower them with structure, expose them to opportunities to explore their strengths, scaffold and teach executive function skills through routines, and offer praise/feedback as quickly as possible (to hghlight a few examples).
Common symptoms of ADHD in children
At first, parents may not recognize that their child's seemingly disruptive behaviors are symptoms of ADHD. Without understanding the underlying condition, parents can easily feel stressed, frustrated, or disrespected by their child's actions. Symptoms may vary from child to child, but most children show a combination of these:
FOCUS/DIRECT ATTENTION: difficulty paying attention when required, easily distracted, having trouble organizing things, losing items
SELF AWARENESS: fidgeting, running or climbing in inappropriate situations, difficulty understanding their role in a situation
INHIBITION: acting or talking without thinking first, doing the opposite of what they are told (even though they can tell you the rule or expectations), interrupting others, difficulty waiting for their turn, big emotions that may not fit the size of the problem
If your child constantly exhibits these behaviours, it is important to book an appointment for an asssessment with a medical professional. Some parents have a hard time coming to terms with getting a diagnosis. If you’re feeling that way, you are not alone! Many parents have a variety of emotions, ranging from guilt, relief, denial, anger, to sadness, and everything in between.
The Most Effective Parenting Strategies For Children With ADHD
Here are some of the most effective parenting strategies for children with ADHD.
Practice patience
Similar to you, your child is also navigating the world of ADHD for the first time. Be patient with yourself and your child. Establish boundaries while also occasionally allowing for some flexibility. As you both grow and change, make adaptations along the way to scaffold your child at their developmental stage. Parenting a child with ADHD can be a challenging journey that requires understanding, patience, and resilience. It's important to recognize that your child is facing a unique set of challenges and experiences that may differ from those of other children. By acknowledging this, you can approach the situation with empathy and compassion, creating a supportive environment for both yourself and your child. Your child will learn to manage ADHD in new ways all the time, while you, as a parent, will also adapt and grow in your understanding and support. It's important to remain patient and resilient, embracing the journey of discovery and adaptation that comes with parenting a child with ADHD. By working together and practicing patience, you are ensuring the success of a future relationship with your adult child.
Create structured and predictable routines
Creating structured and predictable routines for your child also helps. Children with ADHD thrive on patterns and tend to feel more secure when they know what an environment requires of them. It will also allow you to set some expectations for them. Have regular meal times, breaks, bedtime, and other daily routines. Note that a routine must be simple at the start. Allow room for change as your child grows but keep changes small and gradual rather than sudden. Keep in mind that children with ADHD have difficulty adapting to transitions compared to their peers. *Routines around activity or movement are extremely helpful.
Teach social skills
Today, social skills are equally essential as technical abilities. By providing early support and fostering social skills, you can assist your child at each developmental stage with social situations. Children with ADHD can encounter difficulties with social skills, leading to feelings of isolation, rejection, and criticism. You can work with a therapist to learn strategies to support your child.
Break tasks into smaller ones
To make big tasks less overwhelming for your child, break their tasks into milestones. It allows them to focus on one task at a time, rather than worrying and being overwhelmed. Instead of telling them to clean their room, you can ask them to make their bed first. Once that is done, praise a job well done. Then invite them to identify the next part they want to do. Your praise and positive feedback helps them know they on the right track. This hits the reward centre of the brain and release DOPAMINE. They will likely want to keep going. If you notice they are running out of gas, offer your assistance to work on the last few steps together. When your child sees an end to the unpreferred task, you will notice a change in their willingness to get it done.
What Are Some Effective Strategies to Create Discipline in Children With ADHD?
Discipline: an activity or experience that provides mental or physical training.
Affirmations
By using affirmations, you can help your child develop a positive self-image and offer immediate feedback to confirm you notice their efforts, character traits, and inherent goodness. This practice is beneficial as it will slowly instill in their subconscious that they are accepted as themselves and worthy of love. Affirmations also help children understand that you appreciate their strengths, skills, and unique qualities beyond their ADHD.
Recognize their efforts
If you see your child putting the effort in to complete a task, point it out. Let them know that their efforts are being seen. Try to make your comment on anything they do specifically, For example, instead of saying “Great work”, you can say “You really took the time to think about the best way to organize your toys. You sure worked hard at that.” This creates a sense of accomplishment, which is a powerful feeling they will remember. Kids are more likely to do that particular task more often due to the experience and the feeling it brings.
Ignore mild behaviours
While it is important to praise their little efforts, it is also important that you don’t react to mildly disruptive behavior. The more negative feedback children with ADHD hear, the more mental effort and energy they have to use to not take it on as truth about their abilities.
Use time-outs
Time-outs can be particularly beneficial for children with ADHD as they provide a structured way to help them regulate their emotions and behavior. Here are some key points to consider:
Self-Regulation: Time-outs can teach children with ADHD how to manage their impulses and emotions by giving them a chance to pause and reflect on their actions - in a different environment.
Calming Effect: Taking a break from a stressful or overwhelming situation can help reduce anxiety and agitation in children with ADHD as time allows for the brain and nervous system to regulate and for emotions to subside.
Learning Opportunity: Once emotions subside, time-outs can be used as a teaching moment to help children understand the consequences of their actions, discuss alternatives, and identify what they would like to do/feel next time. (FYI - Thanks to difficulties with inhibition and short term memory, your conversation with them doesn't guarantee they will do it next time!)
Routine and Structure: Establishing a consistent time-out routine can provide children with ADHD a sense of predictability and structure, which helps them learn through repetition. It also doesn't get interpreted as rejection if you and your child collaborate on an understanding about how time outs can be helpful.
Positive Reinforcement: When implemented correctly, time-outs can reinforce positive behaviour by giving children a chance to earn back privileges by re-doing the task/action. This allows the child another opportunity to do what is expected, perahps with some guidance, and avoid failure and shame from having lasting effects.
Natural consequences
When parenting a child with ADHD, you have to decide where to invest your energy! Allowing for natural consequences from time to time can help your child understand situations better. Your role can be to help them figure out the lesson, so they come to understandings and insights with your cueing.
Give rewards
Creating a reward system will surely boost your child’s self-esteem and motivate them. Yes, it is difficult to think about rewarding behaviours that we think are just reasonable and expected. "They should be able to just do it." is something we often hear from parents. Yet, kids with ADHD will perform better if there is a reward - it is how their brains are wired. These rewards can be whatever you and your child can create and agree on. Popsicle sticks in a jar are one way to create rewards for children. Teens benefit from more voice and choice in their "rewards" however we recommend parents emphasize the rewards have to be mutally agreed on. A therapist can help you design a reward system to try out with your child or teen.
Coping Mechanisms For Parents of Kids with ADHD
Sometimes the challenges brought on by ADHD in your child can take a toll on your mental health. You might feel resentfulness towards your child... frustrated... disappointed... exhausted... and it is okay. Here are a few strategies you can try out:
Balance Self-care with Parenting Duties
As a parent, you get so caught up with your children that you may forget to think of yourself as an individual. Your schedule and time revolves around theirs, especially when raising a child with neurodiversities. Remember taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is essential.
Schedule regular breaks: Time management is crucial when you become a parent. To ensure you are investing your energy to yourself and your children, you might consider planning specific times throughout your week to take small, or distinct, breaks. Use this time to recharge your battery by doing the things you know are restorative. Small, regular breaks are more helpful than letting stress build up to the point where you feel like you need a week in the forest or on a beach - alone.
Attend support groups: Joining a group for parents of children with ADHD can provide a valuable outlet for sharing experiences, receiving advice, and gaining emotional support. It’s an opportunity to connect with others who understand your challenges and can offer empathy. Check out our Resource Vault for information on groups or parent workshops. NEXT WORKSHOP starts Feb.8, 2025. Click here to sign up.
Embrace mindfulness: Engage fully in the present moment, cultivating awareness and acceptance. Cultivating the skill of mindfulness can enhance focus, reduce stress, and foster a deeper connection with oneself and the surrounding environment. Through mindfulness, individuals can develop a greater sense of calm and clarity in their daily lives as they learn to be with the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant.
Start a new hobby: After becoming a parent, people can lose interest in activities they used to enjoy or they don't have the time/energy/resources to do those activities because of new responsibilities. Starting a new hobby can help to regain that spark of doing things for yourself.
Seek professional help: Therapists can help navigate through complex emotions, validate your experiences, help you identify changes you want, and offer valubale strategies and information. Not only can they provide you with valuable tips for yourself, but also for parenting your child with ADHD.
Facing Challenges and Finding Solutions For Children With ADHD
ADHD can present a lot of challenges in the life of children. It is important to recognize when professional intervention is needed and can make a profound difference.
What can make ADHD worse in children?
Several factors can exacerbate ADHD symptoms in children. Lack of structure and routine can increase difficulties with focus and behaviour. Inconsistent parenting and unclear expectations can also contribute to heightened symptoms. Additionally, stress, anxiety, and lack of sleep often worsen ADHD manifestations. Certain foods and additives may trigger or intensify symptoms in some children. Finally, excessive screen time and overstimulation can further impair a child’s ability to concentrate and regulate their behavior.
Know when to seek professional help
Even after a diagnosis, many parents refrain from seeking professional help for themselves. They tend to reach out for counselling their child. Both are necessary! If ADHD significantly impacts your child’s functioning abilities, causing them to fall behind in certain aspects of life, your child needs help and counselling can support you to learn how to guide, teach, coach, and advocate for your child. Early intervention can help you scaffold your child’s executive functions, foster their social-emotional development, and build a relationship with you that lasts into their adult years.
Determining other coexisting mental health conditions
Children with ADHD may also experience challenges from other problems such as anxiety and defiance or diagnosis such as Autism Spectrum Disorder or OCD, which can also exacerbate the symptoms of ADHD. Recognizing and addressing these coexisting conditions is important for providing the right solutions and support.
Summary
Parenting a child with ADHD comes with its struggles and there are different ways to cope with it. Emotional outbursts from your child may become frequent, which can wear you emotionally and physically. You and your child both are learning, so it is best to keep in mind that you have to treat ADHD and your child separately. With the unique needs of a child with ADHD, it can be stressful. It is also important to have the right tools and strategies.
To get yourself and your child the help that will make your life (and theirs) easier, schedule a session with one of our therapists today.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How can I improve my child’s social interactions?
Arrange playdates, role play beforehand, set clear expectations, check in frequently on the play, and create a supportive environment where adults intervene with compassion and understanding.
Q: What should I do if my child's ADHD symptoms worsen?
Reach out to your doctor. Book in for a session with one of our therapists who can understand what is going on for you and your child, and work with you to explore strategies and options.
Q: How do I know if my child needs medication for their ADHD?
Notice how much your child’s ADHD interferes with their routine and tasks. A therapist can work with you to explore the obstacles your child could be facing. They can also help you identify questions to ask about medication. Share your concerns with your doctor and discuss the pros/cons with them.
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Thanks for being here!
Rolynda Simpson, M.Ed, CCC
Founder and Clinic Director
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